Oh, September, get going already.
It's no secret that September and I have never gotten along. And this year was worse than usual. I think it is no coincidence that September starts with the same letters as Satan and sadistic and stupid and sorrow and self-pity and suck. So there.
But the last week of September does have a few redeeming qualities, namely that one, September is almost over, and, two, that a couple of my children were born at the end of it. And speaking of numbers, here are a few more:
1. At 8:30 last Tuesday night, Olivia told me that she needed a poodle skirt for school the next day. Trouble was, I didn't happen to have two yards of colored felt on hand and at that time of night I didn't have the heart to face Joann's (which is difficult even when you're feeling 100%, let's be honest). And so I looked through my cupboards and found what I thought was a decent substitute: quilt batting. Ahem. Brilliant, I know. (I blame it on September. I told you it was stupid.) I whipped up a poodle skirt with ric rac and everything. Trouble was, quilt batting is not actually felt and it also does not possess the same qualities as felt, and so it began to stretch apart when she sat. I could foresee a tragedy of monumental proportions at school the next day when she stood up after Algebra. Skirt made of batting x school day = Absolute naked. So I whipped up another one. Yes, that's right. 2 poodle skirts in 1 night. The next morning when David dropped her off at school, Olivia noticed that no one else had dressed up. Zero high-schoolers thought 50's Day was a good idea. This had not occurred to Olivia, who thinks everything is a good idea. She asked David to take her home to change. He wisely (remembering my two-poodle-skirt-effort the night before) encouraged her out of the car. I got this picture texted to me later. Luckily, the cutest guy at school also thought 50's Day was a great idea.
2. Last week we became a three-car family. I told David that I thought I'd be old when we had three cars. He just looked at me. Because...um...we are old. Apparently. David loves having a third car almost more than Caleb does because it has eliminated his 5:30 drive to early morning seminary. As for me, no one ever told me about the abject, all-consuming fear that would become a permanent part of my life once my children started driving themselves around.
3. Ethan turns 10 this week and Olivia turns 15. There will be 1 chocolate cake and 1 lemon pie and 25 candles. There will be a camping trip with 1 bonfire, 6 sleeping bags, and a billion stars. And we will watch the waning moon cross the sky and mark another year on earth with these 2 beautiful children. I will never get over how fast it really goes.
4. Last week I spent 8 hours in the emergency room with a friend who had an ectopic pregnancy. My own experience, twelve years ago this September, has been on my mind a lot since then. I have replayed those days and weeks over in my mind and have been left to simply conclude that the preservation of my life was nothing short of miraculous, Ethan's arrival 2 years later was nothing short of divine intervention, and I have been deeply humbled, once again, by the mercy of God.
5. For the next two weeks, David is the acting CEO at the hospital, while his boss is out of town. This has not changed any of our lives in any way, but David has been delighted about it. I told him he should do a performance evaluation on the vice president (David's current job) and give that guy a raise.
6. When we moved into this house, I moved the girls into a shared queen bed. Because of the configuration of the room, there just wasn't room for two twin beds. Two and a half years later and the queen bed just wasn't working. The girls were uncomfortable, someone was always on someone else's side of the bed, or someone would steal all the covers in the night, or it was always someone else's turn to the make the bed, and on and on and on. I was determined to find a solution. We had a conference. I got opinions from people smarter than me. We talked about it. We googled it. We called in the acting CEO. We thought about having Ethan switch rooms, we thought about turning the loft into a bedroom, we thought about repainting, rearranging, and, briefly, even about moving. (I told you September was stupid.) Finally I decided to make a really tall headboard and cover an outside door. This made enough wall space to put in two twin beds. While I was at it, I made a couple of upholstered bed frames to match. (I don't know how my mother ever did her job without online tutorials.) Honestly, I feel about as proud about the whole thing as if I had personally separated conjoined twins.
7. Lastly and leastly, after months of waiting, we are all happy that season 4 of The Middle starts tonight. We've had to get by on months of Food Network and netflixing old BBC crime dramas, and are completely delighted that real television is starting again.
And with that, I am shaking off the shroud of September. Come, thou Great October, with your promises of Conference weekend, hot chocolate with salted caramel, a BYU homecoming game, spooky movie marathons, homemade donuts and spicy goulash, fall in the mountains, and a little green face paint.
Only five more days, September. Your number's up.