It's Thursday morning and David is already on his second phone interview of the day. He takes the jet back into cold country later today for more of the same, sans phone.
I told him we really ought to buy him a coat.
He keeps shrugging me off. A little bit of denial, or a little bit of hope...depending on how you look at it.
It will be my job to pack his bag and spend a few hours on my knees and keep the home fires burning. This weekend that home fire includes nudging Caleb to get a running start on his science project write-up. He's been feeding and cleaning and praying for snails for nearly fifty days now. Almost time to put them under the microscope and find the results.
Please be results, I pray. Because let's be honest, it could go either way.
What are you worried about, David asks in the middle of the night.
Nothing, I say.
That at the end of fifty days and forty quarts of spirulina algae and hundreds of gallons of distilled water and 600 miles of driving and a bazillion hours of research...that there will be nothing, except the same 240 snails he started with.
Nothing. And then what?
That at the end of four months and dozens of phone interviews and sixteen different airports and hundreds of discussions and thousands of tears and a constant prayer...that there will be nothing, except the same hope and faith we started with.
Nothing. And then what? I whisper.
Keeping the home fires burning will also mean keeping Ethan glued together, more or less. He's had a rough couple of weeks. Weeping before school, weeping after school. I got a phone call one day from the nurse because he was weeping during school. We've talked and talked. And he learned a new word: "concerned"... because he was worried that he said "worried" too much.
One day he came home from school. I could tell he'd been crying. He gave up his stiff upper lip as soon as he saw me. He cried for a while and then he asked, "Mom why don't grown-ups cry as much as kids?"
I smiled. Because we all know the truth.
This morning David reminded me that growing up is hard.
Oh, believe me, I know.
I've been doing a bit of it myself.
Growing up. Finding faith. Being Believing. Banishing my worries and concerns, in order to trust.
Faith is hope for the thing not seen. Not seen yet, but true, but sure, but there.