Bam. The weekend's over. (That was fast.) I am reeling a bit from the jolt of Monday morning.
Here we are again. Just me and the laundry and a week's worth of entropy to clean up.
David and I spent the better part of last week trying to be right.
Each of us finally conceded that we were wrong late Saturday night, and I do mean late. But I had a lesson to teach on Sunday and I was desperate for the Spirit. (I only repent under pressure.) So I caved, abandoned my position, and kissed him back. And thought if I could just kiss him everyday I would be willing to be wrong all the time. (But don't tell him that.)
Sunday was a blur of shirts and ties and lessons and brunch and worship and peach cobbler, topped off with a court of honor. (My favorite way to end any day.) There was dessert and talking afterwards, but I was anxious to leave. I kept pinching David's butt (our universal sign that we are ready to go) until I nearly accidentally pinched a member of our bishopric. I looked at David then and said in no uncertain terms that it was time to go home. We gathered in a circle for prayer at eight thirty and, thinking I couldn't stand one more minute of the day, I hustled the children to bed. It was the end of a very long week, and I was happy to see it go.
I woke this morning worn out from myself.
Yesterday in my lesson about the Martin and Willie Handcart companies, I asked my Sunday school class if they had ever felt in need of rescue.
The class was silent a long time.
And I thought how I feel in need of rescue about every day.
Rescue from myself. Rescue from my own hard heart.
Someone raised their hand and said that those handcart companies had kind of brought it on themselves, they were unprepared, they didn't heed the warnings, and then they were caught by an early winter. And I thought how I must have taught the lesson all wrong because I didn't see it that way.
Because the truth is I never heed the warnings. I am always unprepared. I am always stranded by early snow and a very stiff neck.
And how grateful I am to have a Rescuer who will come to my aid even though it is always my fault.
Help me, is my constant prayer.
I am sure heaven tires of hearing it.
Help me get up. Help me face that sink of Sunday dishes. Help me forgive. Help me repent. Help me to live without regret.
Of course it's my fault. Send help anyway.
That is what I meant to say. That if you read my history, you will see that I am unwise and foolhardy and too stubborn almost all of the time. That those I travel with are suffering because of it too. But heaven sends relief and rescue wagons over and over again. Most often, those wagons look like a sacrament cup.
Rescue. Repent. Renew.
I am trying again. (Send help.)