I have a confession.

I've been grumpy for days. Re-entry is always difficult for me.

I told several people this week, (David included), that I feel like a "prop manager." Everybody else I live with has a big, full life that they are the stars of and I manage the props. And when my darlings need clothes for a new scene, I wash. Or when it's time for the dinner scene I make the dinner and set the table and we eat. New scene, new props. You get the idea. This week, prop managing was especially trying with all the Christmas props and travel props and new toy props to put away.

This morning Olivia called from the school and told me she had forgotten her viola again. The second time this week. Could I please bring it to stage 6...she has a scene coming up later in the day that she needs it for.

And I thought, "I can't do this for another year. We're only 9 days in and I'm done."

And then, there was a tender mercy. Just in the nick of time.

And I do mean just.

I talked to a friend who told me about a talk she recently heard about love. She said the returning missionary said that service without love is just servitude.

Oh.

And I could suddenly see why my job felt like servitude. Like all I was was a prop manager. And underpaid at that. I wasted my week in servitude, because I forgot about why I was doing it in the first place. Oh, love.

A week wasted.

But I'm good at rallying.

And delivering violas with a smile.