Secret Private Thoughts

Last night Caleb asked, "Does SPT stand for 'Secret Private Thoughts?'"

No.  It does not.  But here are some secret private thoughts (in a very random order) that have been plaguing me for a while: 

1.  I've always been secretly bored by Mark Twain.  Dare I admit this?

2.  I am astounded by all that Joan of Arc came to do and accomplish.  I secretly wish I had a destiny so clear and laid out...even if that means a tortuous burning at the stake in the end.  At least then I would know my life was worth something.

3.  Two days this week I got up early and walked around a track with my sister.  Don't tell anyone but even this minimal exercise has made me sore.  My friend said, "You must have been 'power walking.'"  No, I'm pretty sure we were just strolling.

4.  I secretly think I could like cake.  I've had it twice this week and both times I thought it was so incredibly delicious that I asked for the recipes

5.  I never think that what I am doing in any given moment is what I actually should be doing in any given moment.  I am crazy with guilt.

6.  I secretly think I may be too tired to keep doing my church calling well enough to really serve the girls.

7.  I am about as forgetful lately as I was when I had my fourth baby.  I secretly think I may have had a baby recently and forgotten about it.

8.  I secretly wonder how everybody else remembers to do the things they said they'd do.  Do I need a day planner of some kind?

9.  I secretly think the virus I fought last week, lodged itself somewhere in my brain and is muddling everything up in there. 

10.  I secretly think that my recent desires for cake and day planners are clear signs that something is seriously wrong.  Last night I dreamed I had cancer.  (In my dream I was very excited about this because, while it did mean rounds of chemotherapy, it also meant I was getting released.)

11.  I secretly think I'm losing my mind.  RIM knew it was only a matter of time.  CIM couldn't be happier.

12.  I secretly think I will regret (yet again) posting any of this.