A Crisis of Confidence Among Other Things

My head is spinning this morning...no real idea what to write, but feeling a need to say something in order to quiet my brain.  So this may be random and rant-like.  Ran-derful.

1.  We had New Beginnings for the young women in our church congregation on Wednesday night.  On Tuesday night with my list still long and my heart in full-fledged panic, I had to go to a meeting for something completely different.  I was reluctant to attend and had the thought that maybe all the parents of my young women and the young women themselves, were probably all just as reluctant to attend New Beginnings and, among other things, listen to me talk again.  I was seized by angst and beside myself thinking about the evening we had planned and what was surely going to be  a waste of everyone's time.

My husband's response:  "You do this [freak out] every time.  It'll be fine."

But as I got closer and closer to the event, my heart was failing. 

I had written a little skit for part of the night...just to make the girl's laugh with their leaders, and teach a little point...and feeling sick about the whole thing, I asked my counselor, "Is the skit just dumb?"


Then she said, "Um.  Well, I think it teaches a point."


This is not good.

By Wednesday at 5, I was beside myself.   As you can imagine, RIM and CIM were raging.

And after all that...it turned out beautifully.  I honestly think it could not have gone better.  I believe it blessed the girls' lives.  So why the crisis of confidence?  Why can't I just have more faith?  Why do I berate myself?

My house was a wreck.  Still is.  (Just didn't have the heart to do anything yesterday.)  Why can't I just prepare...steady and confidently...so that I don't have these crises of laundry and faith, where everything stops and I lose my mind for three days?

I don't know.  But it's a problem.

2.  Our theme for New Beginnings was "Put Your Best Foot Forward."  And I had all the girls bring one of their shoes to display, something that said something about them...their talents, or their personalities.  It was like a little snapshot of each of them.  Very fun.  The little skit was all about the "De-Feets" of Personal Progress, excuses that they might meet along their way to getting their YW medallions.  (Busy feet, Casual feet, Old feet, Baby feet, Tired feet, and Finished feet.)  My laurels spotlighted the new girls who entered our program and my mia maids did a beautiful musical number.  My heart was busting with pride for all of them.

Anyway, I don't have a good picture because there were too many people by the time the girls arrived with their shoes, but this gives you a little idea.


My short remarks were about the 2008 theme of "Steadfast and Immovable," which went right in with our feet theme.   At the end of it, I talked about the rainboots...how they need to be steadfast and immovable because "the rains" will come.  (The rains came down and the floods came up, and the house on the rock stood still.)

3.  Yesterday I met Rachel and Christine and my aunt Tori  over at my mom's house for lunch and a meeting about Quilt Retreat this year.  (All you Family Piecers out there, get ready...it is going to be so much fun!  Your invitations should be in the mail next week...provided I finally get my Monday laundry done today.)  Every year all my aunts and their girls get together for a big quilting/sewing/talking/laughing weekend.  (This is our eleventh year!)  And this year it's our turn to plan and host it and we are so, so excited.  To quote my cousin Andrea, "Can life get any better than this?  I submit that it CANNOT!"  It is the exact antidote for a crisis of confidence...to be in a house with 30 women who love you and know you and believe in you despite what they know...to laugh and talk and cry with them...it is the best therapy, the most fun, and I absolutely cannot wait. 


This is our group photo and "finished" project from 2006...(we celebrate all the various "states of doneness").  Do we look tired?  We haven't slept in three days...I can't wait!