Word of the Week: Dilatorily

dilatorily  /adv. /   tending to delay or procrastinate.  slow.  tardy.  intended to cause delay, gain time, or defer decision.  sluggishly.  unhurridly.  lazily.  leisurely.  poky.

dilatorily  /adv./  1.  Before I start, I am dilatorily adding a note about last week's word, "pettifog."  Soon after I posted the note about my children getting along so well, I heard them arguing in the pool over the "Marco Polo" rules.  I said, "Hey stop that pettifogging!"  They stared at me for a minute and burst into laughter.  That was the end of the argument, but perhaps Amy was right about not really being able to use it in "normal" conversation.

dilatorily  /adv./  2.  Our plan was to leave for Michigan very early Saturday  morning, and so I was supposed to spend most of the week getting ready to leave--returning the library books, cleaning house, prepping my applique for the trip, sorting out and delegating my young women's responsibilities, washing the laundry and packing it up, finding temporary housing for the bunny, etc.   But I dilatorily stalled until about Thursday, mostly doing nothing or just this and that, swimming, yoga, sitting on the couch to cool off for an hour after I ran errands.  I don't know where the days went, but by Thursday it was seriously time to hustle.  We made it though...left our house at 3:27 Saturday morning, all packed up and ready to go.

dilatorily  /adv./  3.  We made great time on the trip, as David is not one for dilatorily moseying his way along.  I kept trying to take pictures, but it was hard to capture anything at 75 miles an hour.  We only stopped twice each day for food and bathroom breaks and the closer we got to "home" to faster he wanted to go.  In fact, by the time we reached Benton Harbor last night, he was hardly willing to stop and let the kids go potty.  He haphazardly parked the car, taking up three parking spaces, (there was no time to park properly!) and made us all literally run into Steak and Shake.   What in the world? 

I just managed to catch the arch in the background as we drove through St. Louis, early Sunday afternoon.

dilatorily  /adv./  4.  When my Grandma Spencer (now 94) came for quilt retreat in April, she gave me a disc with her recently completed life history on it.  She asked me to edit it for her and send it back.  She called me on Thursday night and asked how it was going.  Um....yeah, I'll get right on that.  I had dilatorily pushed it aside thinking that after youth conference, and after school was out, and after Girls' Camp, I would surely get to it.  I assured her that it would be my next top priority, and so I spent most of the 30-hours drive across the country editing her history.  It is long (over 250 pages) and amazing.  I had to stop in the mid-80's, but only have about 70 pages left to read and edit.   If any of her posterity are reading this blog, I most want you to know what a great love she has for her family, how dedicated she was to Grandpa and her children, what a tremendous housekeeper and hostess she is, and how very brave I think she is.  Of course you know all that already, but it's really, really true.  Really.

dilatorily  /adv./  5.  Over the next month or so, my blogging (and commenting) may be dilatorily done, as I will be busy playing and mothering and sunning and exploring and reading and resting and biking and camping and recharging and beaching and seeing and doing and living and being.    All things I really need to do.

Word of the Week: Guerdon

guerdon  /n. /  a reward, recompense, or requital.  something justly deserved.  due.  what is coming to one.  accolade.  prize.  plum.  comeuppance.

guerdon  /n./  1.  A week or so ago David and I watched the National Spelling Bee on television and saw Sameer Mishra win the whole thing by spelling "guerdon" correctly.  Of course it became my next word-of-the-week.

guerdon  /n./  2.  I've written and rewritten this post about three times, but just can't seem to get it right...the natural guerdon for not writing for a week, I suppose.

guerdon  /n./  3.  I spent the first week-and-a-half of summer doing just about nothing, other than a few puzzles and spending hours and hours by the pool.  The guerdon for such riotous and irresponsible living was that on Monday and Tuesday this week, I had to play catch-up and madly run around town trying to prepare for Girls' Camp.  I am not really a "slow and steady girl"...more of a "full-blaze firefighter," who naps when things are just "smoking."  Apparently I need healthy dose of adrenalin to get anything done. 

guerdon  /n./  4.  About this time of year, when heat stroke is likely to happen at every possible moment, I start to wonder why I live here.  However, the guerdon for living smack dab in the belly of hell is that my parents are quite close by, and this summer this has especially been such a blessing.  My mom started cooking classes with my three older kids this past week and they have been in heaven, learning to make various "lunches" and all kinds of cookies.   I love that my mom makes up for the many shocking blank spots in my children's' life experiences and education. 

Armed with their cookbooks...

guerdon  /n./  5.  I boarded the bus with my young women early Wednesday morning and spent four glorious days with them up in the mountains at Girls' Camp.  This was my third year at camp with these particular girls and probably my hardest one yet.  It seems like I always have more to learn, more to give, more to love.  But, the guerdon for all the hard work and exhaustion is the testimony meeting we have the last night of camp.  Nothing brings me more joy than to hear my girls' tender feelings about their Savior and his gospel.  And it makes me wish for a lifetime more of these experiences.

guerdon  /n./  6.  As some sort of ironic and sadistic guerdon for going to camp, I was asked to speak about our camp experiences in church on Sunday.  It was my usual mess...too loud, too many hand gestures, too emotional, too excited about my subject, way too passionate for Sunday morning.  The congregation just stared at me, and I'm sure most of them were thinking, "What is she getting so worked up about?"  The only redeeming part of the whole thing was that I got to share my favorite quote from East of Eden, which I altered to apply to my girls.  This is, just exactly, the way I feel about my young women, and my own beautiful children.  I only wish I was worthy of the gifts they truly are.

You have not bought these [girls], nor stolen them, nor passed any bit for them.  You have them by some strange and lovely dispensation.

A Grumbly Update

I didn't get to bed until after midnight.  I was still prepping for Girls' Camp.

Ethan woke me at 2:30 with a runny nose.

Savannah woke me at 4:30 with another middle ear infection and I couldn't go back to sleep.

Today I need to be at my cheerful, happy best all day and very late into the night.

There are moments when I honestly don't think I can do both of these gigs.

This is one of those moments.

They're Almost Mine Again

We made it.

I don't know how.

There were days in there when I surely thought we wouldn't.

(I meant to snap a picture with Caleb too, but was madly trying to finish up Teacher Thank-you gifts and ran out of time.)

But here we are.  Mine again for 80 days.  And I intend to take advantage of every, single one of them.

Word of the Week: Gainsay

gainsay  /vt. /  to deny, dispute, or contradict.  to speak or act against, oppose.  to refuse to admit the truth, reality, value, or worth of.  controvert.  disaffirm.  negate.  oppugn. 

gainsay  /vt./  1.    Summer has arrived in our part of the world.  Just like that.  Our winter has been long and glorious.  In fact we still haven't hit 100 and we're in the latter part of May.  Unbelievable.  But then today it's supposed to shoot up to 110.  I made Caleb go change into shorts when I saw him this morning.  No one can gainsay the fact that summer is really here with these kind of temperatures.

gainsay  /vt./  2.  For years and years, David has gainsayed my contention that he works a lot of hours.  But this last week was particularly bad, and promises to be so again this week.  The hospital is rolling out a new "paperless clinical documentation" (he made me say that) and this has meant even working overnight.  In addition to this it was also "Hospital Week" (Woohoo! I hope you all celebrated) and this meant visiting all the shifts to serve dinner and treats.  He even dressed up Hawaiian-style (wish I had the pictures) to spread house-wide hospital cheer.  Not even he can gainsay the fact that he spent very few hours simultaneously at home and awake last week.

gainsay  /vt./  3.  My Aunt Margaret sent my girls a surprise package this week: new outfits for their American Girl dolls that she had designed and made herself.  Their shrieks of glee were followed by awe at Margaret's sewing skill.  They would heartily gainsay anyone as being as talented and clever as their great-aunt, who was quickly promoted to grandma status ("one of our Grandma's") and their dolls have worn nothing but the darling clothes she sent since the package arrived.

 

gainsay  /vt./  4.  Savannah's eye tooth started getting loose this week.  She has been begging me to take it out since Thursday.  I told her it wasn't ready yet, but she would not be gainsayed.  Yesterday she worked at loosening it and at bedtime implored me again to try and take it out.  It came out and she was thrilled.  She giddily exclaimed that she has now lost 10 teeth, the most in her 1st grade class.  Aha!  The ulterior motive revealed.  School ends in four days and she has been "tied" with another boy in class for "most teeth lost."  She just pulled into the lead.

gainsay  /vt./  5.  Olivia has been coughing for weeks now, but towards the end of this last week she was getting particularly bad.  I had gainsayed the need to go to the doctor because it was "just a cough" (surely viral) and assured her that eventually "it will clear up on its own."  As I was doing her hair on Friday morning she kept getting paler and paler until she looked positively faint and told me she was going to be sick.  She slept for an hour or so and then begged to go to school.  The same thing happened this morning, so after a weekend of serious coughing and another "vagal episode" this morning, we went to the pediatrician.  He jokingly told me that maybe I should stop doing her hair, and then told me that she had two really bad ear infections and pneumonia.  What?  Oh, good heavens.  That mother-of-the-year award is mine for sure. 

gainsay  /vt./  6.  This week we had our Laurel Transition Dinner for my five young women who are graduating and moving on to Relief Society.  There is no gainsaying how very much I love these girls, what a powerful force for good they are, and what a blessing it has been to serve them.   In the past I have been really bad at documenting my quilts...first of all they are really hard to take a picture of without a proper studio and usually I'm in such a rush to finish that I don't have time to snap a picture.  But I did manage to take a couple this year, so for the my record:   

 

gainsay  /vt./  7.  For me, the pleasures of motherhood are really very simple.  Ethan and I took advantage of a rare empty "to-do" list on Thursday and met my sister and her kids at my parents' pool for lunch and a swim.  After Ethan's swim, I wrapped him in a towel and pulled him onto my lap.  I cannot gainsay the absolute joy of holding his trembling, shivery body, towelled and damp against mine.  Our days alone are numbered.  My days of being able to hold him like this at all are dwindling rapidly.  And this thought makes my heart beat hard and fast, because it's swamped and drowning and gulping for air.

My Life Passing As a Dream

Last night Caleb had his end-of-the-year violin concert. 

I picked him up from scouts and he changed into his concert clothes in the car.  When we arrived at the school I looked in the rearview mirror and saw that he was dressed and ready and had tied his own tie.  When did he learn to do that?

I told him I had gel for his hair, so we got out of the car and I gelled and combed his hair, much to his embarrassment and consternation.  He kept jerking around nervously, not wanting to be seen by anyone he knew.  When did he get too old for me to comb his hair?  I didn't even lick my hand.

When we walk together now, he's always three steps ahead of me.  To and from the concert I was chasing him.  I had to keep saying "What?" because I can't hear from back there and then I would have to run a bit to catch up.  When did he start go places on purpose?

At Suzuki concerts they play from the most difficult piece down to the easiest and you join in at your skill level.  I was so glad to see his lessons paying off, as he played all but the first piece.  I love the earnest way he plays the violin.  Here's a bit of Perpetual Motion:

My dictionary says:

perpetual motion:  the motion of a hypothetical device which, once set in motion, would operate indefinitely by creating its own energy in excess of that dissipated.

Oh, stab my mother-heart.  This is the joy and pain of my mothering.  My insides are nothing but hot and tender as I watch this child set in motion, with no way to undo his eventual going.

Note{s} to Self

I got a very nice card in the mail from Marie a couple of weeks ago.  She mentioned how she had just found and read my 52 Blessings posts.  One of the nicest notes I've received all year.  I love good Canadian mail.

I got this note from Caleb on Mother's Day.

I loved the "marvelous" and the "magnificent," but was a bit concerned about the "occupied."  It reminded me of my word of the year and my goal to "embrace the entropy so that I can embrace my children more."  Apparently I need to refocus.

 “The biggest mistake I made [as a parent] is the one that most of us make. . . . I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of [my three children] sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages six, four, and one. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less.”  Anna Quindlen (Loud and Clear [2004], 10–11).

Note to self:  I am tired of making this mistake.

An aside for Kelly:

It just started raining.

When I pointed this out to Ethan, he said, "That's impossible!"

Word of the Week: Noodge

noodge  /vt. /  to keep urging, asking in an annoying way.  nag.  to annoy persistently, pester.  agitate.  beleaguer.  disturb.  harass.  plague.  bother.  henpeck.  bedevil.

noodge  /vt./  1.  My to-do's noodged me all week, dogging me night and day with thoughts of "Oh, I need to remember...", until I finally relented and actually wrote them down.  This proved to be a fantastic idea (making me significantly more efficient) until Friday afternoon when I misplaced my list.  An unfortunate turn of events, and yet, I muddled through with only a few moments of complete stupor.

noodge  /vt./  2.  Ethan complained all week that his ears hurt when he swallowed.  After days of noodging me to "go see Dr. James" I called the pediatrician and we showed up just before lunch on Thursday morning.  We waited to see him for about an hour and when we finally did, Ethan got a clean bill of health.  No ear infection.  No strep throat.  Somehow this didn't make me happy.  Dr. James suggested that Ethan stop swallowing (since that's the only time his ears hurt) to which Ethan replied, "When I don't swallow my tummy hurts."  Ethan, of course, giggled through the entire exam and Dr. James noted that he must be feeling "really bad" to be this cheerful, and I grudgingly played the part of the insane mother.  By the by, Ethan's ears are still noodging him when he swallows.  Grrr.

noodge  /vt./  3.  This week was the Pine Wood Derby.  My personal idea of the 7th circle of hell.  I noodged David all week to help Caleb with his car.  The weigh-in was Thursday night anytime from 7 til 9, (you had to have your car ready and weighed in by then to compete on Saturday).  My boys showed up with their car at ten minutes to 9.  Sounds about right.  Caleb won 4 out of 6 of his races, a decent showing for a boy whose dad does not own a saw of any kind.

(Here is one of his wins...his car is in the far lane...)

noodge  /vt./  4.   Friday night David and Olivia had date night.  Olivia's Achievement Days class had a daddy-daughter bowling and pizza night and, as you can imagine, she was in 7th heaven.  The event started at 5:30, but Olivia was so worried they would miss even one single moment of fun, she started her campaign early, calling David every five minutes starting at 4:30 and noodging him home. 

noodge  /vt./  5.  David's colorectal screening event went about like you'd expect.  Apparently it takes more noodging than a postcard (he sent 1200 out to the community) to get people to come in and get their colons screened.  David said, "It's a free service.  You'd think people would want a free test."  Um.  No.  People don't want their colons screened even for free.  Surprising.  Seriously though, despite a few technical problems, he was happy to say that the were able to give out 150 tests and maybe most importantly, David decided it was time to get his own examined.  I was happy to hear that my last 6 months of not-so-gentle noodging is finally going to pay off.

noodge  /vt./  6.  My list was long this week and so this spilled over a bit into David's life as well.  The yard was especially atrocious by Friday afternoon and we had about 40 people coming for dinner on Saturday afternoon, with no time or way to do anything about it.  I felt like I had noodged David all week about so many other things that I calmly accepted the state of my yard "as is" and prepared to just serve such good food that no one would care about the state of my weeds.  And then.  A friend in my ward quietly and secretly mowed my lawn and pulled my weeds while David and I were sleeping early Saturday morning.  When I discovered her, she simply shrugged and explained that no matter how much she noodged, I would never let her help me, so she just decided to do something without asking.  An angel with a lawn mower.

noodge  /vt./  7.  No matter how I try to resist it, the milestones in my darlings' lives noodge me to realize that time is passing and my babies are not actually babies anymore.  Savannah had her baptism preview tonight.  When they handed me the invitation I thought, "I don't have an eight-year-old."  And had to turn it over to see Savannah's name on it before I connected the dots.  This is a "noodging" I would prefer to avoid all-together.  Another accountable child.  It's a bit hard to swallow past the lump in my throat.

My tender feelings about Savannah reminded me of a poem I love.  Says it perfectly...

Sentimental Moment or Why Did the Baguette Cross the Road?

by Robert Hershon

Don't fill up on bread
I say absent-mindedly
The servings here are huge

My son, whose hair may be
receding a bit, says
Did you really just
say that to me?

What he doesn't know
is that when we're walking
together, when we get
to the curb
I sometimes start to reach
for his hand

Spring Break Nutshell

I always resist leaving.  The laundry.  The packing.  The cleaning.  The making arrangements.  The cleaning out the fridge. 

And then as soon as I'm out the door I wonder why we don't do more of this.

We spent Tuesday at Sea World.  Ethan declared it the best day of his life, and it was up there for me as well.  The San Diego weather was perfect and my kids were at the perfect age to really enjoy the park.  Although Olivia did think she was too young to go to the Sesame Street 4D interactive film, mortified to the point of tears...what if someone finds out?!...but when it was over she sadly said, "That's the end?"  Ethan was just barely tall enough (we told him to stand on his tiptoes) to ride the rides with us and was out of his mind with joy on the "Journey to Atlantis."  We stayed almost til closing, but had gotten our jackets wet on the rides and were really cold by the time 8:30 rolled around.  So we headed back to the hotel for a round of hot baths.

On Wednesday, Dave took a cab to the airport and I successfully managed to get the car out of the tight parking garage (I told you I could do it) and we headed for Santa Barbara.  

After successfully navigating LA traffic, we spent the next three glorious days with our good friends from graduate school.  Alexis was such a gracious host (even though our visit was hot on the heels of other company) and we had a wonderful time together.  She is, as always, just what I needed.

My favorite part of the whole trip came on Thursday afternoon, when I took my kids to the nearby beach.  There was a breeze blowing and the Pacific water is just as cold as it always was, but my kids still wanted to swim and play in the surf.  I spent one of the best afternoons of my life sitting against some big rocks with the sun warming my face, watching my children play in the ocean.  After a while Ethan got cold enough to come for a jacket and a snuggle and he fell asleep on me while the other kids built sandcastles with connecting "canal systems."  My heart nearly burst at the joy of that contented, peaceful moment.

We headed for home late Friday afternoon.  Crazy to go so late and right in the middle of Friday night traffic, but by then I was longing to see David and the kids were starting to be a bit affected by all the late night sleepover chatting (yes, the tears were starting to come fast and furious), so we said our goodbyes with promises of a reunion in Big Bear as soon as possible, and started for home. 

 Spring break was the perfect antidote for a looming breakdown, for me and the kids.  We're almost there...just two more months.  Olivia was all anxiety and stress this morning, scared she had forgotten everything and the impending AIMS tests have her in full panic-mode.  I am so glad we had last week together.

I made this little video because there were just so many pictures...too many to post (though clearly it will be of little interest to anyone but me).  David thinks my second song choice is nothing short of dumb, but I love it, so there you go.   Before everything else...before school and friends and scouts and achievement days and violin and dance and all they have going on in their little lives...I loved them first.  They were mine first (and always) and I jealously guard these moments with them.

Word of the Week: Tractable

tractable /adj. /  easily managed or controlled, docile.  yielding.  easily worked, shaped, or otherwise handled, malleable.  amenable.  willing.  compliant.

tractable  /adj./  1.  This week my sister, Rachel, proved to be extremely tractable when I proposed starting up some morning exercise.  For whatever reason I exercise more consistently (who am I kidding...it is the ONLY time I exercise) when I have to meet someone.  Apparently I have a hard time letting someone else down, but no problem letting myself down.  (Sounds about right.)  We're starting with just walking...she just had a baby and I am just so frighteningly out-of-shape that anything more would be dangerous.  I loved watching the sun come up and visiting with Rach as we rounded the track together. 

tractable  /adj./  2.  On Tuesday morning I took Caleb to the bus stop as usual, but he was wheezing so loudly, I could hear him breathing over the radio.   I suggested that I take him home and then to the doctor and I was shocked to hear his tractable agreement.  He doesn't like to miss school for anything, but he was so tight-chested and miserable he readily agreed.  After a trip to the doctor, who expressed dismay over his "soupy chest" and tractably gave us three prescriptions,  Caleb spent the rest of the day like this:

Ethan was thrilled to have a friend join him in a Star Wars marathon.

tractable  /adj./  3.  I got a surprise visit from my cousin Jennifer and her kids on Wednesday afternoon.  My kids had "early release" and all the kids were begging for some entertainment.  We ended up going to the movie, which as it turns out, is a very fun thing to do in the middle of the afternoon in the middle of the week.  I loved having an excuse to "play" and even though neither of us wanted to see "College Road Trip" we ended up being very tractable, since that was the movie all the kids were begging for.  (Please note: I only recommend this "film" if you are trying to please 9 darlings and get completely out-voted.)

tractable  /adj./  4.  David lost his glasses last fall and has been completely reliant on his contacts since then.  This week his eyes were driving him crazy and by the end of the week he finally resolved to get a new pair of glasses.  On Friday night we skipped our usual "date" and went to get him fixed up...he could hardly stand it another minute.  He was cheerfully tractable as I made him try on pair after pair, but not quite as tractable when I tried to take a picture tonight of the pair he ended up with.  Here's his end of the conversation:

"Why?"

"Okay, but just my face."

"I have a good angle.  What's my good angle?"

"I said 'JUST MY FACE.'"

"This is not fair."

Bless his ever-tractable nature.

tractable  /adj./  5.  The Quilt Retreat countdown has begun and so tonight I enlisted my girls' help in making pincushions.  They are tractable to any activity involving fabric and had lots of fun stuffing these little fabric balls I made.  Happily, this proved to be the perfect task for their tractable little fingers.